Every time I go to Walmart I die a little inside. So I go there for my lunch break today to buy a few things, of course. It’s in the same shopping center as where I work, and I thought I’d pick up a few ‘healthy’ snacks for when I work (mmm candybars), as well as return a few items I purchased for my now over-with Halloween party. Yes, Mrs. Cashier they are dirty and no (lie), I don’t know how that happened. Anyway, what happened to me in there is what always happens to me in there. Here are the facts:
FACT: People are rude, but even more rude in Walmart. I was cut off at every turn by other customers in there and never once received an apology, sincere or not. I didn’t even get eye contact. How can you be in a confined space with 1,000 other people and no one ever makes eye contact with you, not even people who work there? People would run their shopping cart in front of where I was walking at every turn, forcing me to stand still, avoid eye contact and pretend I wanted to stop and take a breather from my destination. Yes folks, I need a break from walking around Walmart. Either that or you and your screaming kids cut me off. It’s ok, you and everyone else in there aren’t looking at anyone else so these things happen.
FACT: The people that shop at Walmart are from another planet. This HAS to be true (see the picture...of COURSE I'm Kirk!), otherwise there would not be a website titled peopleofwalmart.com (look it up, it’s actually funny). Does everyone here wear sweats when they go out? No, I don’t speak Spanish. Is this every dirty kid from the area? Just because I wear a tie in here does not mean I’m the manager people. A pink shirt and black tie, it’s not even the store colors! Sorry, I don’t know where the Sour Cream is.
FACT: The prices here are cheap, but the pricing is horrible. I wish I took a picture of it, but the gum I bought today was $266.32 per item. So every piece of gum in my 60 piece Eclipse gum costs that much? Where am I, Target? How do you move items from where they are supposed to be to an endcap, but not have any of that item where it is supposed to be? I get the same 5 things here every week, stop moving the Vitamin Water to the aisle stacked next to boxer shorts and marshmallow fluff but not leave anything on the shelf where it is the other 6 days of the week, ok?
FACT: Everyone in Walmart at any given time has a tattoo. I promise you this. Yes, I have one too but mine aren’t on my neck and I don’t work the counter. Really dude, a hand grenade tattoo on your neck? Classy, and by the way YOU’RE HIRED! Forearm tats when you wear a stained, short-sleeve polo? HIRED. Can’t speak English and stock the shelves? HIRED. You are the greeter and you never say a word to anyone and I’ve been coming here for 7 months? HIRED!
By the way, did I mention I almost get run over every time I walk in there? Everyone wants to drive by the entrance but no one wants to stop for pedestrians. This isn’t Myrtle Beach and why would you cruse by the Walmart entrance? You know a billion people walk in and out of there a day right? Circle around everywhere but the entrance like everyone else people!
Beam me up Scotty, there is no intelligent life down here. Amazing savings, but otherwise it’s all people who flash you dirty looks when all you’re doing is shopping and people who return dirty clothes they just wore to their Halloween party the night prior.
