Teeth

That's right, I said teeth. Fucking exciting topic for my first entry, isn't it. Well, teeth drive me nuts. Good teeth, bad teeth, upkeep with teeth, whitening teeth, DAMMIT!

The human body can be pretty retarded to me. It's this awesome, efficient vechicle which has created everything in this world that we enjoy from thought to football. Also, it likes to kill itself with cancer and awesome diseases like MS and stuff. So teeth are awesome and stupid all at the same time too.

How teeth work: Put food in your mouth and chew it with your teeth into smaller pieces of mush. Your body then, after swallowing it, digests this into energy to keep your body alive. Seems pretty easy, right?

How teeth fuckup: That same mush, if not cleaned out by more than swallowing, attracts this bacteria that bore tiny holes in your teeth called cavities. Enough holes appear or grow in size, and you lose your teeth.

WTF. I understand your body cannot produce princess-cut diamonds to process this food, but if we lose our teeth, we pretty much cannot feed ourselves and die. Bummer, right? I'll just grow another set, since we innately can't know to clean our teeth-OH THAT'S RIGHT WE CAN'T.

After your first baby set, you're done FOR LIFE. Sharks lose thousands of teeth in a lifetime but I can't grow twenty-some-odd in just about fifty years? And what about Wisdom teeth, which all they do is grow into your back teeth like some car wreck and FUCK THEM ALL UP. All your teeth. Screwed up. TOTALLY SMART I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE HUMAN BODY!

Dude, come-ON. I lose my blood, I grow (grow?) some more. I grow out my pretty hard fingernails CONSTANTLY (note: future post). Hair grows all the time. Why not another set of teeth, you know we can totally use them.

Instead, we are forced to have science step in (HOORAY). Let'f drill out those holes, and fill it with molten lead (or metal). Ceramic is cool and looks the same shade of non-metal as my teeth, but it's not covered by my insurance (go figure). That cavity (HOLE IN MY TOOTH) is too close to the gumline you need to shave off all your enamel and glue a hat on your tooth (crown). A hat on my tooth?! Shave off ALL the enamel? UGH. I'm not even going to go from there, where they screw shit into your head (fake teeth) and all the other bloody stuff.

Whitening sucks too. What would happen if your eyeballs turned yellow slowly over time (or green)? So instead, I bleach my teach (oh that has to be healthy for me) to get them back to the color it should be. Now, I have a mouth full of yellow and metal colored rocks that get holes in them when I use them. AWESOME.

I can keep going. But I won't. Teeth are pretty much bullshit as you can see. Nothing will make a break a first impression like a great smile. But damn if they aren't some of the most poorly designed things ever.